remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
