Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
