I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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