he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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