Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
