So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
