i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
