NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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