So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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