She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
