I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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