I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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