afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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