I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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