I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
