Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
