Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
