the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
