we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
