where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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