Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
