I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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