you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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