I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
