Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
