Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
