'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
