Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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