No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
