I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
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And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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