I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
