dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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