you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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