Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just gift wrapped bread.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
