I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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