So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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