Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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