Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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