my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
