"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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