the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Send help, water and tortillas.
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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