singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
