he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
It's just like the Real World with babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize