Pappa wants mamma naked
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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