How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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