I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
