lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
