Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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