GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
