the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
