guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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