i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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