I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
