I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
