You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize