hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
