We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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