Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
