I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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