I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
