i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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