how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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