she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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