i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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