I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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