I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
