I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
