You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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