But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
