so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
