Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
