How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
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So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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