We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
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My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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