i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
