My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
