I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His nipple licking is glorious
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