is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
