I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
