you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
