I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
