Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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