Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
